Michael: Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of Million Dollars, But… We are here on the Off Topic set. Joining us today we have- Michael & Gavin: Gavin! Michael: Woah, that was good. Ryan. Ryan: We- I- Uh-
Michael: And I’m Michael Ryan: Yup.
Michael: Ryan, why don’t you start us off? Ryan: Million Dollars, But… 20 percent of the time when you throw something away, it flies right back in your face. Gavin: What if I’m like, getting rid of a knife? Does it always hit your face guaranteed or does it just come back at you and you can dodge it? Ryan: I mean, if you’re- if you’re fleet like a ninja, sure, you can hop out of the way. Michael: It could be really funny, ’cause if you’re bored you’d invite people over and it’s like “Watch this”. Take a pie, throw it away, all of a sudden it comes back and hits you in the face. That’s like the best parlor trick ever. Gavin: I’m trying to think of stuff that I throw away that I really wouldn’t want coming back. Ryan: Here’s what-
Michael: Poo poo? Ryan: yeah, here’s what you haven’t considered: you guys haven’t had kids yet.
Michael: Do you ever shit your pants and throw them away? Gavin: (laughing) daipies Ryan: Oh yeah. Michael: You could go through five in one day. Ryan: One in five of those is loaded like a grenade. Michael: (laughing loudly) Michael: So what if you’re like, a doctor though? Right? Just like, a regular physician. When you give somebody a shot and then you throw a needle away – “Ah shit!” Gavin: Can you imagine being a patient and the doctor turns around to face you and he’s got a needle in his head? Gavin: Sticking out his forehead.
Michael: That would not be great. Gavin: Could I instead of using a bin throw stuff away in a really, really deep hole? Ryan: Yeah, I love the ida of you dropping it and running, you immediately drive to the airport getting on a plane, fly to another city and then out of nowhere as you’re disembarking- Michael: “Oh shit, it’s back!”
Ryan: Clonk. Gavin: Uh…
Ryan: Million dollars? Gavin: I’ve got to admit, I think I would do it.
Michael: Yeah, I think I would take it. Ryan: I think I’d do it since I’m already past that stage with the kids. Gavin: Oki doki Million Dollars, But… Everything has an airbag If you hit anything too hard- Pfff!
The airbag goes off. Imagine sitting down in a chair slightly too hard. Michael: You’re goin’ flyin’. Gavin: Get stuck in a bar fight, someone bottles you? Airbag! Slams your head on the bar?
Airbag! It’s nice!
Ryan: The whole world would be your bouncy castle! Gavin: Do you ever get it where your kid is like excited to see you?
Michael: Ryan comes in the door- he’s just like, “Hi, honey!” Gavin: He runs up to you full speed, like, giving you a hug. Michael: “Nooooooo!” His son just dives into his arms and pfff- is sent flying. (all laughing) Gavin: Yeah, what are your thoughts, guys? Michael: Um, I think I might have to pass on that.
Ryan: Mhm, no, I think I’m good. Gavin: Yeah, I wouldn’t take it. Michael: Got a real cheeky one for you. Million Dollars, But…
Gavin: Lot of money. Michael: Once a month you will be attacked by an animal. You’re at the store, you’re just like, buying potato chips, you walk out the front door- Ryan: Do you have one of those like, western moments where you, like, turn and you meet it’s eyes just like (growling noises)
Michael: You’re like “Shit!” Gavin: What if I’m in a car and all of a sudden there’s an ostrich in the back? Michael: Dude
Gavin: Am I just fighting an ostrich? Michael: Yeah Gavin: Is it going to be animals that are appropriate to the location? Like, am I going to be walking through, like, Austin and then a penguin is there? Michael: That could happen. Gavin: The thing is there’s so many situations where animals will attack you anyway Michael: Yeah Michael: Well, see, that-
Gavin: How do you know whether it’s happen- Michael: You don’t! You don’t.
Gavin: Like, a bear in the woods? Michael: You’re like, you’re out in the woods and you’re like, fucking kick that cat! Kick the shit out of it!
(laughing) Michael: You’re strolling, fine- “Oh shit! It wasn’t the cat!” And then a bear comes for you. Just rips you in half. Gavin: Then you’re like, running away from the bear yelling at the bear like “I- Is it personal?” “Or do you just hate everyone?” I think birds would be the worst! Michael: Birds! Dude, they could come through your window. Gavin: An eagle!
(all laughing) Gavin: Will there ever be the same animal that you’ve already had? Michael: Yes! Gavin: You open the door and it’s a bear again, it’s like, “You again!” Michael: Is the bear holding a fucking pizza? Is he disguised now? Gavin: It’s wearing a beard. Gavin: You know Michael, a million dollars is a lot of money, and I appreciate the offer… But I will not be taking it I’m out.
Michael: No, I’d pass. I would- I would do a hard pass. Ryan: Yeah, I’ll kill an animal a month, sure! Gavin: You would take it? Ryan: Yeah, why not? Michael: Well, thank you for watching another episode of Million Dollars, But… Be sure to check out more episodes this season. Also, be sure to check out the Off Topic podcast, it’s on various times. And be sure to subscribe to Rooster Teeth and Achievement Hunter and all the other wonderful websites and youtube channels and all that stuff… Gavin: Le’t’s Play… The Know… What else do we have?
Ryan: Slow Mo Guys? Gavin: Slow Mo Guys!
Ryan: No “z”, just Slow Mo Guys.