Jeremy: I wanna start this thing by saying that I’mmm… Jeremy: intoxicated and I’m sorry Jeremy: for whatever I say
Matt: Oh don’t worry, I think they can tell Ryan: For whatever reason you’re intoxicated? Jeremy: Wat? Jeremy: I just wanna say I’m sorry!
Ryan: Okay Jeremy: For anything bad I say Lindsay: Never apologize for being drunk Jeremy: I apologize! … Jeremy: …For making fun of scalies Lindsay: Apologize for making excuses
Matt: You didn’t really make fun of ’em
Ryan: Did you make fun of a scalie? Jeremy: I didn’t make fun of scalies– Jeremy: ‘S jus’ people– There’s people out there who
Ryan: You’re just trying to understand their culture Jeremy: wanna fuck alligators and shit Lindsay: Yeah Jeremy: And that’s fine
Lindsay: Well, I wanna know what– Lindsay: –the bird thing is
Ryan: You gotta get balls deep Ryan: in the crocodillys Jeremy: The bird thing! Jeremy: Is that I saw bird people in this Ryan: Yeah Jeremy: And I just started questioning… Jeremy: If you’re gonna have peop–
Ryan: Feelings and thoughts that you’ve had Jeremy: –If you’re gonna have bird people
Ryan: your whole life Jeremy: They are people, but they have beaks and wings and shit Jeremy: But they still walk around and talk like humans
Lindsay: Like Harvey Birdman, Jeremy: You have to wonder how they fuck each other
Lindsay: Attorney at Law Lindsay: Jack, how do turkeys have sex? Jeremy: How do turkeys have sex, Jack?? Jack: Very sloppily. Jeremy: Dammit Jeremy: If I’ve learned anything from Mike Rowe and Dirty Jobs, it’s that a turkey just… Jeremy: Jumps over a female turkey and drops semen onto it until it gets pregnant Lindsay: What?! I’ve gotta watch a video of turkeys mating. I wanna know Lindsay: I am of the opinion that Zoras are the hottest in- Lindsay: –In any Legend of Zelda game
Ryan: Really? Jeremy: Go on, what– I dunno what you said
Matt: I mean– I– Lindsay: Although the Gerudo people
Matt: I agree Lindsay: are pretty up there
Jeremy: What’s a Zoro? Lindsay: A Zora, sorry
Ryan: They’re the– the thing with the DSLs
Jeremy: What’s a Zora? Lindsay: Zora, the fish people Ryan: Yeah Lindsay: So, like uhh, Princess Ruto from Ocarina of Time Matt: I agree with you, but from afar Matt: Imagine if a ship– like, a fish person existed, they’d smell terrible Lindsay: It’s true Matt: Like, on land, they’d just smell like shit
Lindsay: Yeah Matt: Like rotting fish
Lindsay: Well, Matt, if you’re a woman Lindsay: sometimes you smell like a fish anyways Matt: Well, at least you know what you’re getting up front, with them Jeremy: Are you telling me there’s fish people in– Jeremy: –In Zelda?
Matt: Yeah! Lindsay: Yes
Matt: There’s fish people Jeremy: What else is there?!?!
Lindsay: Motherfucker Jeremy: There’s fish people, there’s bird peop–
Matt: There’s rock people too! Jeremy: Rock people?! How do rock people fuck?! Matt: No one knows! Jeremy: What does that make me, a bouldurry? Lindsay: I can’t wait for Bill Nye’s show to come back so he can answer all these questions that we have Jeremy: Bill Nye, how do you fuck a bird? Lindsay: I was just thinking about it, you’re definitely not the first person. There’s a Greek myth about Zeus, like Lindsay: fucking a girl as a swan, so… Matt: Yeah…
Jeremy: Really? Lindsay: Yeah, oh yeah Jeremy: There– There’s the chick that fucked the bull to make the Minotaur Lindsay: Yes Lindsay: Even he was like, “I’m gonna make you attracted to bulls” and she was like, “I just really wanna have Lindsay: sex with this bull, I dunno what’s happening” Jeremy: I just want someone else
Matt: And he’s like, “Yeeaahhh” Jeremy: I literally just want someone else to do it
Ryan: It worked! Jeremy: And then I can be like, “What was Jeremy: it like to fuck the bird?”
Ryan: And report in? Ryan: You need like a– a on the spot report?
Matt: Well, okay, here’s the bigger question: Lindsay: Again, all I can think of is the bird going:
Matt: Are you going to– [Gavin Free] Lindsay: Can’t be– can’t be appealing Matt: Are you going to — if someone fucks the bird and say, “It was great, I love it” — Matt: Are you then going to like–
Ryan: That’s true Ryan: What information do you expect from this?
Jeremy: Fuck the bird?
Matt: –start fucking a bird? Jeremy: No, I’m happily married! Jeremy: I just wanna know– Matt: Are you gonna invite the bird into– [wheezes]
Lindsay: He’s got another bird Matt: Nevermind, I don’t wanna fucking…
Jeremy: I just wanna be like Jeremy: I just wanna be like, “Wow, I didn’t expect it to be a great time” Jeremy: Jack fucking looked up a picture of, like, a lion chick with her tits out! Ryan: He didn’t actually, though, he just accidentally found that Jeremy: Off Topic!
Matt: Nasty… Ryan: He was going for a lot more generic information Lindsay: Yeah, we’ve all turned out SafeSearch off
Jeremy: And now people tag me in pictures Jeremy: of, like, lions having sex! Ryan: Yup, that’s your life now Ryan: Congratulations
Matt: Are they Lannister lives?
Lindsay: They’re aggressive Lindsay: Apparently, that’s where the term “caterwauling” came from